That ellusive thing called love!

Love, love, love?...all you need is love! Love is a many splendid thing! Love hurts! Where is the love?!! That's more like it. It's been what seems like a lifetime since I had an electric kiss, a shockwave of electricity course through my body as I am touched, carresed or kissed by a lover. Have I grown cold to love? Am I just looking for the next cheap thrill SOS much so that I have forgotten what's important in a lover? am I just j j j j jaded? Or, is it simply the fact that there are fewer good men out there willing to work on a relationship, willing to let their guard down open up their hearts and say, I want this to work! I want to fall in love! I want to be the best man I can be for you! So although it seems as though society had thrown a spanner in The works by making it totally acceptable to have open relationships, 23 wives, uncommitted lovers and secret ambisexual relationships I finally found someone who makes my heart skip skip a beat! Strangly enough we have not kissed held hands or had a conversation face to face in years, but I can feel his touch, kiss and caress, I get all giddy at the thought of us meeting again for our long weekend date... I find myself doing silly hopelessly romantic things and have even planned the most sweet and ever so romantic surprise for his birthday! foolishly in love is how I would describe myself right now... But I am happy to be this fool, writing love notes, skipping through fields and planning romantic getaways with my faraway future lover, friend and confidant! Even the idea of introducing him to my family and friends had me bursting with joy and pride! He is hot! He is sweet! He is edible! (ok now it sounds like he is a chilly popper! Although I do love a good spicy deep fried jalapeño, he however is the real deal!) I will finally be able to introduce him to my mother! Hi mom, this is my 'special' friend! Yes she is still wrapping her head around me being "gay" as she likes to inverted commas ay it! But as long as I am happy she is happy! And guess what mommy!! I am happy! Ecstatic actually! Has this sweet gorgeous man tamed the tipsy tart? Well let's hope for my sake that there are still happy endings in fairy tales and not just in thai massage parlors! And remember this: If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!

Where's the cream!

So to say that I have been out of the 'blogosphere' for a while is a bit of an understatement, it's as if I have totally forgotten how to use a computer, and to be honest I did stop using them for a little while, I decided to live live outside in The real world! So what exciting things have happened what life changing moments... What ups and downs and ins and out have let their winding path to back here... Well far to many things have happened to explain in just one blog... So look fwd to hearing more from me soon! Just a little start as to where I am right now in life! After a whirlwind tornado of a year in 2011 from being married to single to almost losing my mother( don't worry she came back! She's not that easy to get rid of!) it was a year of decadence, soul searching and of course discovery! I discovered that Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder! Red wine makes me far more romantic, Jaegermeister turns me into a rabid bitch and vodka martinis are a girls best friend! So welcome back the Tipsy Tart! I am Anna Torna Highmen and these are my stories!!!

Love Parade

Funny how it always rains when you are planning on spending the day outside, today was the LOVE PARADE in berlin, where very odd people like to get all dressed up in thier most gaudy extravagant costumes, or in some cases some take as many clothes off as possible, now when you fantasize about it is great but in reality the brave man who wears his little leather g-string and a pair of leather chaps looks more like your grandfather than the Male Model you had been hoping to see. I of course being the Tipsy Tart I am, had to squeeze myself in my shortest tightest leatherette dress - Red of course and the highest pair of stilletto boots i could possibly find, Braved the cobblestone sidewalks in search of the AIDS HELP WAGON, 200 meters in a pair of stillettos on cobblestone is like a lifetime, in fact i think i have figured out what hell is, you arrive to see a wardrobe of the most extravagant beautiful designer clothes and shoes, ooooh shopping, hell cant be that bad right? well the catch is you have to put on the 6 inch designer jimmy choo stilettos, the Jean-Paul Gaultier corset and yoou have to walk on coblestone in the rain FOREVER! well luck was on my side, that and the taxi rank, well i dragged myself into the closest cab, Hotel da Roma I said in a thick Italian accent, well off we went and 10 euro later I had arrived, now the problem was where on earth were all the other strangely dressed people, did i have the wrong day (this has happened to me before) The door was oppened to my surprise by the bellboy of the hotel, Thank you darling I say and stroll off through the piazza away from the hotel to his surprize, this Tart is on a mission to find the other people dressed up for this occasion! another hundred or so meters over the coblestone piazza and the decision is made! i will grin and bear the pain shooting through my lets because I look HOT, and who cares if i am flashing my Superman underwear because my dress is tooo short, and to hell with it walking like a Truck driver in Stilletos can be sexy too right!
I am closer to the end of my Mission to hang out on the truck number 41 with my Pornstar DJ friend Jan Fischer, the first wagon is in sight, Wagon 41 happens to be a 10 minute walk away, it is the last one in the Parade! It starts to rain, but between the pain the rain and the coblestone LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, I AM BEAUTIFUL and i got to dance throught the streets of berlin for the last time in a while!

back to basics

What does one do when everything you imagined in your minds eye turns around and says, sorry i am not playing your game? then runs off in another direction... do you give chase, follow this new path you did not want or do you simply stand there looking stupid, do you backpedal to the crossroads where things changed and with egg on your face and an embarressed smile ask to be accepted back into something you shunned only days before? Well being a firm believer of never doing anything I don't want to so I am left with 1 of 2 choices and i must say the thought of standing still looking stupid does not sound flattering at all so I am frantically backpedaling, the egg on my face is being flung off in all directions and the embarressed look on my face will soon be replaced by tears of joy and a smile that will take days to subside!

This whole week has brought me to the very important question of trust. wow, what a fickle world we live in, when the ones we choose to trust are usually the ones who end up dissapointing us and the ones we would not consider trusting usually end up surprising us with thier reliability. It is scary to trust someone, there are of course so many levels of trust, you have the friend who promises to feed yoour cat while you are away but then digs through your favourite cd collection and helps himself (of course only on loan) to your favourite Micheal Bolton cd, not that you miss it initially but sooner or later you have a Micheal Bolton moment (yes these do happen) and the cd is nowhere to be found. Your trust in this friend deminishes when you find mr Bolton discarded in a corner of his flat some months later. There is the Blind Trust we give to our friends and loved ones, Like the friends who promise you that when you hop on a plane and travel thousands of kilometers your dream job is there waiting for you, you have been buttered up and flying high in the realisation that finally things are looking up ant the world really is a just and fair place filled with enless abundance (which it is!) but your friends are less trustworthy than you give them credit for and the dream job happens to be a 6 month tour of s Sicily, not bad at first glance, but now like Sofia from the Golden Girls would say 'picture it! Sicily 2008: you are a clown in a small italian circus, living in a small caravan travelling through the remotest villiages, every 2 days you unpack your whole life, perform 1-2 shows doing 3 clown numbers per show (now dont forget the heat) we will make you drive the caravan yourself through the small winding streets, we will charge you for using our caravan, we will not be very friendly because you work for us! and then we pack everything up and go to the next village, not even thinking about simple things like taking a shower, or going to the loo (caravans have no running water!) All of a sudden my vision of the the Italian countryside is shattered and so is my trust in my friends. The third knid of trust is in the type of people who trully do love you unconditionally who will do anything even if it means then sacrificing things they have for you to be happy, this is the reason i am frantically backpedaling, high heels on, makup in hand and long blonde hair blowing in the wind!

Friends who you can really trust are hard to come by, they are a gift.

Home Alone

travelling has become second nature to me, its kind of like a migration i make 4, 5 or even 6 times a year, never in one place for longer than 3 months at a time if i am lucky, so when i was asked my friends if i was excited to be going back to berlin i had no answer because i had not thought about it (I did not start packing til the day i left) Now i am back in berlin and a strange feeling has overwhelmed me, i am back home, in my own flat, surrounded by all my favourite things, and while surrounded by friends and aquaitances last night at the bowling ally (yes i love playing with big balls every wednesday at 8pm) as i tossed my rather large 12kg green ball down the ally i fellt a sence of loss, i missed all my friends, the bearded lady, the 'Ute' muslim drag queen, big breasted Renee, My Secret Affair, My family and all of a sudden here i was in berlin a city I love Home Alone.

I think migration should be done with all your friends, we should stay in our flocks when we travel so that the places we go are more home than they should be. After 10 years of travelling alone i am finally realising that the reason not to think about it is that it hurts so much to leave behind the things we love even though its not forever its the adjustment of a new place alone, or readjusting to an old home that makes us realise that we are all alone without the ones we love.

But then this new excitment takes over, the endless variety of oppertunities, the thrill of the unknown then being Home Alone feels like a guilty pleasure, being able to break away from the routine we create for ourselves and run free, the rogue Bird abandoning the flock in search of that self satisfying adrenalin rush, what lies ahead? where will he fly? will he get shot down? will he find Eutopia? will he find the love his heart searches for? will succsess be his? for now all this Tipsy Tart knows is that when all else fails he still has his friends, wherever he may stray and wherever they may be.

Then being here, being Home Alone is not such a lonely place to be.

Moral dialema

So you might wonder why I am calling myself ‘The Tipsy Tart’ I guess it is the most accurate description of the person I am at the moment (although drunken slag might be a better description, we will stick with tipsy tart for now) and I guess like the deliciously sweet, decadent, sticky, slightly alcoholic desert of the same name, too much of me might just leave you feeling a little over indulged!

Now I have given a brief description of myself I want to start off with my views on morality.

We live in a world where we are morally challenged at the best of times; being an admirer of the human condition I find it fascinating how one person’s actions will path the way for another person’s blatant disregard for the simplest of rules and moral values. We live in a society where opening doors for a lady, stopping at a stop street, saying please and thank you are minor luxuries, sending an sms to dump someone is normal now and takes away any moral value we put into a relationship away, where internet dating allows us to court 3,4 or more people at once, while we believe that no-one is the wiser and where my best friends lover is my potential shag all in the name of freedom of choice in this society of ‘loose morals’ …oh bring it on this decadent lifestyle that leaves us fulfilled in every which way except emotionally.

I have this hidden talent that I am not completely aware of but I know it is there, I am ‘not consciously deceitful’. There, I have admitted to it. At the best of times in my quest for moral superiority I will duck and dive, twist and turn all kinds of truths into a tangled web of unconscious deceit. If only you knew how many ways I have subconsciously come up with to avoid having to answer the simplest of questions, I am by nature a mysterious beast, an plan to stay that way for a least a while longer.

So I am starting this blog as a form of moral therapy and in a way to understand myself and some of society. Today is my birthday and I think it only appropriate to start the day with rebirth, my quest for a state of moral sobriety. So let us see if I can find any answers to the multitude of questions that plague me, and most importantly if I can find my heart somewhere in this tangled web of deceit I have been creating. Let the morality games begin.